We all go through that period when a friend, a close friend, is slowly falling out of touch. It could be various things, distance, time apart, a boyfriend, a difficult time. But regardless what it is, it can be difficult. I’ve been chatting to my friends a little bit about this over some time. Sometimes it’s them feeling like someone they care about is not reaching out very much, or not keen to catch up.
I’ve got friends that live in a different country. I always like staying in touch via messaging and video calling but not everybody does. I’ve had old friends admit to me that they hate staying in touch with distant people because it’s a lot of work. My thoughts are always shock, because I value my friendships so much, no matter the distance. But I acknowledge that it does take effort on both parties to make it work.
This is something that, growing up, I struggled a lot with. I was always the one organising things. I would consider myself the glue of all my friendship groups. And I always felt that if I stopped making the effort, everything would fall apart.
In some cases that was true. I’ve had friendships slowly disappear as soon as I stopped breaking my back trying to keep us together, since they never did. But in other cases, my friends pulled through. I’d be pleasantly surprised that I was wrong.
As I’ve gotten older, the friendships I cherish are the ones where my friends also make an effort. I’m not sure if I’ve just chosen friends who have this trait since I value it so much, or if just because the people I surround myself with now are my true friends.
What I used to remind myself growing up, and sometimes even now if I’m feeling alone, is: Be open to change. Someone who you may see almost every single day right now might be someone you stay really close to, but only see once every so often in the future. Change happens, but it doesn’t mean you’re losing your friends.
I felt like writing this because over the past week I’ve been reaching out to people I haven’t spoken to in a while. People overseas, old friends etc. And we never went out of touch on purpose, life just ‘happens’. Sometimes you’ll make the effort and sometimes you’ll just be too ‘caught up’. But just remember, it’s never too late to reach out again.